It’s hard to form words these days. It’s hard to explain the myriad of thoughts and emotions that course through my brain. It’s hard to wrap my head around what’s about to happen.
Life feels pretty normal right now, and yet, we’re going to have a baby by the end of the week. How do you live in that tension?!
I’m thankful I’ve had to teach today and tomorrow. It’s making the days go much faster and it’s helping my brain focus on other things. If I was stuck at home I’d be going crazy!
I wanted to make sure I blogged before we left, because as much as this is a way for us to share our story with you, it’s a way to document this journey for us- to read back through years from now to remember how we grew our family.
It was EXACTLY a year ago yesterday that Greg and I went for a walk and officially decided we were going to pursue adoption. It was exactly a year ago TODAY that we emailed Faithful Adoption Consultants for the first time…an email that snowballed into where we are today. ‘
The last few weeks have felt unbearable as we’ve waited for the due date to get closer. We’ve been on this journey for a year. But as someone reminded me last week, we’ve actually been on this journey for 2.5 years. We’ve been waiting to grow our family since that first positive pregnancy test in October 2018. It’s been a long and grueling wait (and yet we know others that wait even longer) and although it was filled with grief and sorrow and loss, the wait has been worth it. It will be worth it.
Week 52: I spent this week repacking baby’s suitcase for the 3rd time. 😛 I also started the insane nesting project of 2021- cleaning every surface of every room in our house. Looking back, it was because it was the one thing I could control as everything else in life felt out of my control…and a clean house also brings me so much joy!
Week 53: I finished up all the cleaning, started packing my own stuff, and got a mani/pedi. We put the car seat bases in our vehicles, baby-proofed the house, and had one last date-night before becoming parents.
Our flight leaves at noon on Wednesday. We will settle into our Airbnb that evening and get some groceries. Thursday’s plans are up in the air. Friday we need to be at the hospital by 6:30 a.m.
We are going in with NO expectations. We know that birth and babies have their own timelines. We know that things could go exactly as we have planned in our mind or they could go very differently. We might be allowed in the delivery room, we might not. We might be able to do skin-to-skin right away, we might not. We know what Mama A desires for us (and what we desire for her), but anything can happen- so much is out of our control and left up to doctors and nurses and baby. Our plan is to have no plan and I surprisingly have great peace about that! I just want to soak it all up.
We will probably be pretty quiet the remainder of this week. We won’t be allowed to share any baby news until mom signs TPR (termination of parental rights) and we get the OK from our social worker, which is normally 24-72 hours after birth (in Kansas). As much as this will be a sigh of relief for us, it will also be a time of grieving for Mama A (and us). Adoption is a life-giving, emotional journey for ALL involved and we don’t take that lightly.
We covet your prayers this week. Prayers for Mama A, baby, and delivery. Prayers for calm nerves, safe travels, and smooth transitions.
We don’t know when we’ll be heading home. It all depends on how fast we meet with our attorney and the judge and how quickly they get paperwork sent to the state of Kansas. Once Kansas approves our paperwork it will get sent to Michigan. Once Michigan approves it, we’ll get the ‘all clear’ to travel home. We’ve been told to plan on up to 10 days.
To help us pass the time we plan on lots of snuggles, taking lots of walks, and we have plans to get newborn photos taken in Wichita. We are actually really looking forward to bonding with just the three of us- no visitors, no family, just US. Such a special time we’ll cherish forever! (And when we do arrive home, we will be much more ready to welcome visitors. :))
I am also blessed to be able to take the rest of the year off from teaching. I will miss our kiddos, my colleagues, and the daily routines…but I know I’ll never regret the time to bond with our son. It’ll also make me much more ready to head back to part-time life in the Fall.
As much as this seems like the ‘end’ of the journey, it really is just the beginning.
Baby boy, it’s time.