Up from the ashes, HOPE will arise.
We’ve clung to those words as we’ve walked through the dark, dark valleys of miscarriage and secondary infertility. We’ve doubted in the darkness. Our doubt made us question if hope would rise again.
But it did.
And so today is a day of rejoicing. Today is a day to celebrate God’s incredible faithfulness. Today is a day to RAISE HALLELUJAHS!
WE ARE ADOPTING!
Friends, it has been so, SO hard to ‘keep this quiet’. You have prayed us through our valleys, you’ve been our encouragers, our shoulders to cry on, our prayer warriors. It brings us SO much joy to share this news with you. You are our village. You have prayed us through to this moment. We couldn’t be more grateful for your love and support. And we still need you, possibly more now than ever before.
So how did we get here?
Greg has always wanted to adopt. I’ve been ambivalent. After our second loss, Greg brought up adoption. I wasn’t ready. Not because I didn’t want to adopt, but because I wasn’t ready to grieve what my body couldn’t do. After our third loss this past October, Greg brought it up again. I still wasn’t ready. I was working through some deep grief and mild depression and again didn’t want to face our reality. A few months passed, we still weren’t getting pregnant and by February we both felt like we were at a crossroads. What do we do next? Where do we go from here? Do we continue to ‘throw’ money away looking into the medical sides of things? (That’s what it felt like as we came up with normal results time and time again). We had already depleted most of our savings from the previous three pregnancies, testing, and medications.
We decided to commit an entire week to prayer. Praying specifically and boldly that God would lead us one way or another: to keep trying or to pursue adoption. We prayed. We dug into Scripture. We were alert to His leading. And, at the end of the week, we both felt…nothing.
Through a sermon that weekend, multiple songs, and situations- we felt like God’s silence was telling us we needed to step out in faith. Just like the Israelites crossing the Jordan river- the river was raging and it seemed impossible to cross. God told them it would stop as soon as the priests stepped in the water. But they had to take that first step. Adoption felt like a raging river- how could we afford it? Where do we even begin? Are we capable? It felt impossible.
But, we took the first step.
We started researching local adoption agencies on a Sunday afternoon. It couldn’t hurt to look, right? We found the first agency we looked at would make you stop the adoption process immediately if you became pregnant- with no refund. Yikes. We weren’t willing to take that risk. We scratched that one off the list. The second agency we looked at felt very impersonal- computer generated email replies that made us feel like we were one in a million.
That night, as I was laying in bed (Greg was already snoring), I started browsing Pinterest and searched ‘adoption’. I came across a blog of a family documenting their journey with Faithful Adoption Consultants. I googled FAC and was brought to their homepage. Within seconds, I knew. In the core of my being, I knew without a shadow of a doubt, that this is where God was leading. I can’t explain it. I wanted to shake Greg awake I was so excited, but decided to just email them instead. They were located in Georgia. GEORGIA. Was this even possible? They probably wouldn’t respond until morning anyway, and I could tell Greg over dinner the next night.
I sent the email. It was 9:30 on a Sunday night. 45 minutes later I had a response. A very personal response with answers to ALL my questions. I felt like an immediate part of the ‘family’. We set up a phone call for Monday night. And Greg still had no idea…
Greg quickly found out about my doings Monday morning and we had the phone call Monday night. We hung up, looked at each other, and I said, “Is this real life?!” We went from being so uncertain, so confused as to where to God was leading to indescribable peace and certainty.
We decided to pray on it all for a few more days to make sure we weren’t acting on emotion or our own impulses. A week later we still felt God’s peace and reassurance that this was where He was leading. We reworked our budget and made the first payment.
We ARE adopting!
So where are we NOW?
We are in the thick of it. We are oh so close to being done with our home study (thanks to Covid-19 things have been delayed slightly). As everyone has been ‘complaining’ of being bored and having so much extra time during this quarantine, we’ve been working over time. This quarantine has been a huge blessing in disguise for us. We’ve spent hours filling out paperwork, scanning documents, getting fingerprints, doing background checks, providing bank statements, and collecting doctors signatures. Like our social worker said, ‘It seems unfair having to ‘prove’ yourself to adopt when others get pregnant and have a child without anyone batting an eye!’ Pregnancy includes 9 months of labor and love, adoption is the same- but in a very different way.
Once our home study is finished (our goal is mid May) we will go ‘active’. Going active means we will be presented with expectant mother info and ‘accept’ ones we feel comfortable with. The expectant mothers will then be presented with our profile and can choose us. FAC’s average match time is 4.5 months. Again, that’s average- could be much quicker, could be longer. Once matched, there is usually another 1-2 months until the baby’s due date.
At this point we could go active, be matched within a week, and have a baby by July. On the other end of the spectrum, we could go active, wait 6 months to be matched and have a baby in February. Our ‘mindset’ is hoping for a baby this Fall/Winter knowing it could be much quicker or take much longer. Ultimately we know GOD has His perfect timeline and we are surrendering to that.
We are adopting domestically- meaning somewhere in the U.S. When the mom goes to the hospital we will be notified and fly out immediately, hopefully making it in time for the birth. We then will have to stay in the birth state for 5-15 days until we’re approved to cross state lines. At that point we can take our baby home.
So what’s next?
We are over the moon excited, but also guarded. Having dealt with the loss of three babies already, we know the excruciating pain of joy turned to sorrow. My biggest fear in all of this is a failed match. I surrender that fear to God multiple times a day and continue to trust that if He has led us here, He will lead us through.
We also need to raise A LOT of money. We knew adoption was expensive, but we didn’t know it was this expensive. We knew all the numbers up front going in and confidently continued trusting God would provide. We have no idea how we will afford it. We hate to ask for help. But, time and time again, everyone we talk to reminds us that God is Jehovah Jireh- the Lord who provides. We are resting in that truth and trusting He will make it happen. We’ve already seen it happen in small ways.
We need prayers. This process has been exciting and grueling. We started this all before the current pandemic swept through our nation. Planning to adopt during a pandemic is terrifying. What’s going to happen to the economy? How can we get certain certifications and things done with government offices closed? How much will this push our timeline back? Will it be over by the time we are matched? We have questions and fears but we also serve a mighty God. As uncertain as these times are, we’ve had immense peace through it all.
Our first step going forward was to tell you all! We went back and forth deciding when the right time was. Do we wait until we’re matched to announce? Do we wait until we go active? Do we announce right away? We obviously took some time to relish in the excitement ourselves and with family, but decided to share now as we covet your prayers and support.
Our next steps will also include some fundraising. It’s a humbling position to be in- asking for help so we can start a family.
Beyond that, we wait. And during the waiting we pray- and ask you to join us. We pray for our future child daily. We pray for the expectant mom daily. Is she pregnant yet? Does she know? Is she scared? We pray that she will choose life. We pray for her to have peace. We pray for protection over her and her growing baby. We pray that God will lead her to be a part of our story.
So as we wait, we will continue to share. We invite you to be a part of this journey as we welcome home our first child.
Our favorite book says we’re all adopted.
To GOD be the glory!